Denial.... Acceptance.....Life
My Darling Daughter Annamieke...seeking some quiet solace from the rock at the beach.... its as if they both shared each others energy...
Ok those of us who have children with extra needs, special needs, disabilities know the tumultuous path that we have tread.... The fears...the tears...the years..... We know what is like to start to question our child's development...... can't help comparing them to children of similar age etc...... We know what its like when we have a niggling little feeling that something is just not right....something doesn't quite fit...... those awkward silences...when you could wish the Earth would open up & swallow you... I guess I'm talking about the journey to acceptance, understanding & knowledge.....
Those silent awkward moments...where every fibre of your being wants to discuss with your partner of family your concerns, your worries & anxieties.... That first moment of letting down your defences & discusses your pain...your worries....your confusion/concern..... The conversations that follow...the investigations..the blood tests, the MRI's or other scans, the specialist appointments....... the heartbreak when your concerns are proven...... the sheer sense of disbelief...... the heartache of adjusting to what is...& letting go of what you thought was..... This is all happening during the adjustment process..... trying to accept..trying to understand..... trying to be a ray of sunshine to the outside world (read children) whilst inside you feel void....bereft..empty...shattered.......
Playing in the park.... things aren't always what they seem & appearances can be deceiving
Then slowly the pain & heartache give way.....the adjusting period settles...We may not have changed...yet our view on life has changed..... we know know we have children who require extra care, support, consideration, energy & love...... Yes I do say love.... Oh boy the Love needed.... the patience.... the commitment ... the understanding & acceptance....
Soon we start to change our perspective from "what is not possible" to "Ability" "gifts" becoming educated, informed, passionate advocates... fro some the journey from heartbreak to passionate advocate can be fast...for others a very long process..... And although I write passionate advocate.....I do so knowing full well that us passionate advocates...bleed, hurt, cry, worry... we may be able to hold all the pieces together, but it doesn't mean we still don't ache intensely.... for our children & their future...
The reason for the blog is to talk about those people in our lives...who for whatever reason try to persuade us that there is nothing wrong with our children.....
A winters stroll by the water...... taking a moment out...to care for her sole (soul)
It takes a lot of courage & strength to verbalise our concerns.... then to have people say..No don't worry its typical behaviour for boys, girls etc..... can really have a negative affect.
Friends & family can generally tell when a child starts to behave/react in ways that are alarming.....Yet why do they deny the truth (as they see it) I am not saying they have the right to blatantly come out & say things like.... I think your child has Autism... or I think your child has a delay etc...... No definitely NOT
I guess I am just saying...family & friends should be there to allow an open dialogue..... not be afraid to talk about big things.....We need the open dialogue ...we need the understanding...we need that safe non-judgemental space.... That arena to discuss life & our concerns... because if any of you are like me..its like an Ice Berg.... the thoughts I share & express are nothing compared to the bottomless ocean of emotion I have inside..... If I want to talk...its because I need to..I feel strong enough.... & its helpful....
Possibilities Galore.... acceptance of what is... & making the absolute most to ensuring a full active life
It may be hard to tell some one the truth...but whats worse allowing someone to live in denial...or lovingly try to give voice to any concerns..... there are subtle ways of doing this.....
I guess empty unqualified words like "don't worry its OK...its all normal" can actually be harmful in the long run...although they may sound great at the time.... if someone doesn't believe it...why say it....why lie???
What will tomorrow be..... how far will her shadow stretch...what ripple effect will her beauty & strength have upon this world....
I also know that until a person is able to openly discuss & accept their child's differences...having unqualified people saying things could be very painful....... but somewhere there must be a balance.....
I think if parents are concerned & raise the fact that they think their child may have some difficulties etc...then people/we/society should allow them the space...a safe non-judgemental space to openly discuss this...... it never hurts to say.... "well if you are worried why don't you discuss it with your doctor........."
I guess I wanted to talk about this because there is an incredible amount of bad advice being dispensed out in the real world...& for parents who are struggling to come to terms with possible disabilities..... not allowing the platform to discuss things.... is potentially harmful.... the truth is there are children with special needs...there is difference.... there is life..... its so much better to be able to discuss it..without others allowing us to further deny it, ourselves or our children....
I never walk alone... I am surrounded by love & Light..Angels & the Creator
I guess also until a person is ready to face the truth...its important for families & friends to be gentle...just be there when the time is needed....don't push..... it is a hard road to travel...one frought with much pain & heart ache..... eventually the smiles will come..... but first the tears.....
It is not my intent to offend any readers...I can appreciate each of us has there own personal view on life...and this is mine.....
The sun will shine...the rain will stop ...& things will heal..... warmth...love & energy will be restored..somewhat differently... but hey thats a whole new blog
One of the most wonderful gifts that we can give to another Being is to 'just listen' without judgement or feeling we must comment. Sometimes people need to externalise the pressure within, to hear their own voice say what they feel. Another wonderful and feeling filled post Mary :)
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