Denial..... who truly benefits from Denial...

Denial.... Acceptance.....Life

I really want to write about an important topic... Denial. I guess I am not referring to me specifically but people in general & in particular Parenting...... I am writing this blog precisely from my life view...I understand each of us is different & processes life accordingly..... It is not my intention to cause pain or frustration to anyone.... I hope you can respect my perspective on life..... there is no need to agree with me...just understand I am writing this as me.....

My Darling Daughter Annamieke...seeking some quiet solace from the rock at the beach.... its as if they both shared each others energy...

Ok those of us who have children with extra needs, special needs, disabilities know the tumultuous path that we have tread.... The fears...the tears...the years..... We know what is like to start to question our child's development...... can't help comparing them to children of similar age etc...... We know what its like when we have a niggling little feeling that something is just not right....something doesn't quite fit...... those awkward silences...when you could wish the Earth would open up & swallow you... I guess I'm talking about the journey to acceptance, understanding & knowledge.....

Those silent awkward moments...where every fibre of your being wants to discuss with your partner of family your concerns, your worries & anxieties.... That first moment of letting down your defences & discusses your pain...your worries....your confusion/concern..... The conversations that follow...the investigations..the blood tests, the MRI's or other scans, the specialist appointments....... the heartbreak when your concerns are proven...... the sheer sense of disbelief...... the heartache of adjusting to what is...& letting go of what you thought was..... This is all happening during the adjustment process..... trying to accept..trying to understand..... trying to be a ray of sunshine to the outside world (read children) whilst inside you feel void....bereft..empty...shattered.......

Playing in the park.... things aren't always what they seem & appearances can be deceiving

Then slowly the pain & heartache give way.....the adjusting period settles...We may not have changed...yet our view on life has changed..... we know know we have children who require extra care, support, consideration, energy & love...... Yes I do say love.... Oh boy the Love needed.... the patience.... the commitment ... the understanding & acceptance....

Soon we start to change our perspective from "what is not possible" to "Ability" "gifts" becoming educated, informed, passionate advocates... fro some the journey from heartbreak to passionate advocate can be fast...for others a very long process..... And although I write passionate advocate.....I do so knowing full well that us passionate advocates...bleed, hurt, cry, worry... we may be able to hold all the pieces together, but it doesn't mean we still don't ache intensely.... for our children & their future...

The reason for the blog is to talk about those people in our lives...who for whatever reason try to persuade us that there is nothing wrong with our children.....

A winters stroll by the water...... taking a moment out...to care for her sole (soul)

It takes a lot of courage & strength to verbalise our concerns.... then to have people say..No don't worry its typical behaviour for boys, girls etc..... can really have a negative affect.

Friends & family can generally tell when a child starts to behave/react in ways that are alarming.....Yet why do they deny the truth (as they see it) I am not saying they have the right to blatantly come out & say things like.... I think your child has Autism... or I think your child has a delay etc...... No definitely NOT

I guess I am just saying...family & friends should be there to allow an open dialogue..... not be afraid to talk about big things.....We need the open dialogue ...we need the understanding...we need that safe non-judgemental space.... That arena to discuss life & our concerns... because if any of you are like me..its like an Ice Berg.... the thoughts I share & express are nothing compared to the bottomless ocean of emotion I have inside..... If I want to talk...its because I need to..I feel strong enough.... & its helpful....

Possibilities Galore.... acceptance of what is... & making the absolute most to ensuring a full active life

It may be hard to tell some one the truth...but whats worse allowing someone to live in denial...or lovingly try to give voice to any concerns..... there are subtle ways of doing this.....

I guess empty unqualified words like "don't worry its OK...its all normal" can actually be harmful in the long run...although they may sound great at the time.... if someone doesn't believe it...why say it....why lie???

What will tomorrow be..... how far will her shadow stretch...what ripple effect will her beauty & strength have upon this world....

I also know that until a person is able to openly discuss & accept their child's differences...having unqualified people saying things could be very painful....... but somewhere there must be a balance.....

I think if parents are concerned & raise the fact that they think their child may have some difficulties etc...then people/we/society should allow them the space...a safe non-judgemental space to openly discuss this...... it never hurts to say.... "well if you are worried why don't you discuss it with your doctor........."

I guess I wanted to talk about this because there is an incredible amount of bad advice being dispensed out in the real world...& for parents who are struggling to come to terms with possible disabilities..... not allowing the platform to discuss things.... is potentially harmful.... the truth is there are children with special needs...there is difference.... there is life..... its so much better to be able to discuss it..without others allowing us to further deny it, ourselves or our children....

I never walk alone... I am surrounded by love & Light..Angels & the Creator

I guess also until a person is ready to face the truth...its important for families & friends to be gentle...just be there when the time is needed....don't push..... it is a hard road to travel...one frought with much pain & heart ache..... eventually the smiles will come..... but first the tears.....

It is not my intent to offend any readers...I can appreciate each of us has there own personal view on life...and this is mine.....

The sun will shine...the rain will stop ...& things will heal..... warmth...love & energy will be restored..somewhat differently... but hey thats a whole new blog

Values....life & other wonderful things

I have been a little pre-occupied this last week. Hence the sparsity of my blogging.But to keep in line with my online journalling I want to talk about my own personal Values....... I guess the reality is my values underpin all my actions...my beliefs & my perspectives of life. Ultimately how I act, react, think & talk...the very language I use.... the eyes I see the world from.... the very core of my psyche.... ME... even the way I walk & represent myself to the rest of the world.... & what I see when i look in the mirror.... or indeed when I look into the mirror of your reflection.

I was brought up to be a good Catholic girl....I have always had a strong faith...but of recent years I call myself more spiritual and NOT religious. I can see that many beliefs, many paths have levels of enlightenment.... I am eclectically spiritual.... I guess I could even quantify that further & say that I derive much of my inspiration....love....joy....Values from Nature..... from watching the birds & the bees.... the trees as they sway in the breeze.....the Sun as it shines down & bathes the Earth in radiant light. I find nature teaches me many lessons about life.....acceptance.....allowing......loving.....growing & VALUES....Nature is me & I am Nature

My core values....are centered around RESPECT...... Respect of myself....my fellow citizen.... respect of my culture...of other cultures....of the Earth...Respect of my role as mother & wife.....As Me....Mary the person.... the collective entity...of all the roles i play in life....

Respect is Valuable.... In all honesty I don't care if people like me.....I do care that I am afforded the same degree of respect that I afford others... Respect is crucial in ensuring the world rotates peacefully.

What do I mean by RESPECT...... My personal belief.... This is what I see RESPECT as implying....My take......

It identifies DIFFERENCE.... the UNIQUE quality of each person....animal...plant etc

It understands that difference is to be embrace & appreciated.....valued...looked at accordingly.

It implies a degree of self-worth....self-acceptance & seeing this in others....

It implies that I have a grounded realistic view of myself...my abilities & my dreams.....

It implies that I value the same qualities & attributes in others.

It implies that birth right & STATUS are irrelevant...

it implies that each person was created equally in the eyes of GOD (or whatever deity you choose to follow...or likewise not follow)

It implies listening....attempting to understand...to empathise.....regardless if the views may not be in line with yours.

Respect is something that is not simply given because one demands it...... respect is an honour that is given..... it is an active choice for me.... to say I RESPECT that person...I see that person for who they are & what they have done.....

I value RESPECT....

It dances well with integrity....loyalty.....honesty......and the big one....LOVE

Absolutely..respect cannot be demanded.... that is simply servitude in my eyes.... Respect is something that runs deeper...it is a conscious choice..... it manifests in our actions, thoughts & language towards ourselves & others......

Honestly if we were to do a survey of our life....placing those we respect in 1 column & those we have chosen not to respect in another column...... we would see a clear pattern emerge..... it could tell us about ourselves...our life & what we value & how we process & heal.....

Respect is something we earn.... it is not on our terms but on the terms of those who graciously grant us it. But it must start with self-respect...yet this is a very complex subject....complicated by many things.....for some the search for self-respect is like the holy grail itself...seems elusive.... unobtainable.... especially if we have been told repeatedly that you are not worthy or respect or love (not myself...but others who have been exposed to abusive parent-child relationships)

but self-respect is a crucial tool...to successfully navigate life.....we are all fragile creatures & the actions & words of others (those we put trust & faith in...elders, parents caregivers etc) help us to value ourselves..... or sadly not value our true self.....

by respecting myself...... I love my mind...my body...& I treat it accordingly.... By respecting my family..... I live a life that exemplifies that respect & love.....

This sounds so preachy ...but its not....

RESPECT can be murky waters.... the word can summon up negative feelings of being enforced to respect..... I guess I have always been one to buck the system...... you could never buy my love & respect with harsh words or sweet promises of nothing.... I have always been a person of principle & observed...observed people...their words & actions...... & I have judged myself the same way....

I hope you are able to show respect to yourself & others..... it is a wonderful gift...a gift that keeps on giving.... but definitely one not to be taken for granted.

Stealth Dyslexia in Gifted Children

Check out this SlideShare Presentation:

Stealth Dyslexia in Gifted Children

View more presentations from Eide Neurolearning Clinic.

As Life Goes On

I have felt pain……. I have danced in the rain…. I have laughed…. I have cried…. I feel….. I heal…. I am ME

Last Weekend I was honoured enough to go away for 3 nights with my Mother & 2 of my sisters. It was a stunning weekend.... about an hour out of Sydney on the banks of a beautiful leafy River. The river flowed so gently...... it was a wonderful grounding & healing medium.

The Gentle Healing River Flow

It was a rather intense weekend, more so then I had expected. Yet it was exactly what I needed. And I believe exactly what my darling Mother & 2 sisters needed. My others sisters where meant to come along as well, but unfortunately life as a mother of small children can sometimes act as a bit of a deterrent to seeking healthy healing alone time. But that's OK, I accepted that as part of their journey...it was just a shame that they were not there to witness the beauty....the unfurling of spirit & hope that I witnessed. I got to spend time listening to my Mother... listening to stories that I was too young to remember...listening to things that had a huge impact upon my life.

Picture: my Mum by the Healing River this weekend

I was born the 8th child in a family of 10 children, 4 Boys & 6 girls. My parents got together when they were very young, my mother 16 & father 19. They were married when my mother was 18 & had a child within the 1st year.

My parents had lost their dear sweet gentle Son to drowning when he was 10 years old. In fact not only did he drown, but he drowned at the hands of his brothers & friends, as they were all fooling around. Several years before that their beautiful darling daughter contracted the measles at age 18months & unfortunately it developed into encephalitis. She soon fell into a coma for several months, only to awaken with severe physical & mental disabilities. They struggled for 2 years to meet all her needs, while struggling through abject poverty, births of new children & looking after my Grandfather who was dying from cancer & had suffered many strokes. My darling mother was very ill in her pregnancies...but she told of how the Dr came by to check on her & my grandfather & my sister & basically said you need to stop this..or you will kill yourself.

The Unfurling of A Heart & Spirit.... of a life story

After 2 long exhausting years...my parents made the only decision they could...they had to place my then 4year sister into a hospice where she could receive 24 hour care & medical support. They made this heart wrenching decision when my mum was 7 months pregnant with me. I was born into a family grieving the loss of their hopes & dreams for their daughter & sister" I was born into a family bleeding & in pain. We have visited my sister at her home..... all my life...my parents go religiously.... I hated going as a child..because it smelled sterile.....

I have very early memories of my life...of being a baby..a toddler... very vivid memories..that are in fact real memories that I have had confirmed. My darling brother Mark loved me.... I was his shining light...his darling little sister...my mum said we were inseparable. last weekend as we sat around the log fire in the cabin..i watched as the light flickered upon my mother's weathered, yet beautiful face. The pain as she retold of the day Mark drowned.... told how her brother in laws came by & told my parents... not to look for them for any financial assistance. And of the joy as she recounted funny stories of my brother, stories i was to young to remember. My heart felt so heavy, so useless.... Oh how I wished I could erase that pain & fill it with golden rays of love & light. I hugged her... I sobbed into her shoulder as I hugged her.... I looked into her eyes.. and told her.. that they must be mighty special... if they have been tested by such fire... i told her that they have walked the path of loss of many people. I told her how i loved her... I told her how thankful i was to have been born from her womb. I told her that I was so sorry. I was sorry ..... I wasn't old enough to take her pain away as a small child....

The Fire cast its magic spell.... healing grace.... etched upon the lines of my Mother's face

I am really quite a perfectionist... I have been so all my life.... & I can tell you exactly where it stems from.... the loss of my brother & sister (her becoming ill) I questioned why God would take 2 special children away from my parents & give them me in return. I questioned what it was that I had to do..I am talking about me being a very small child...maybe 4 or 5... I believed that God must expect me to be perfect...to live the life of 3... not just 1.... I felt compelled..to help fill the void in my parents hearts & spirits... I believed that I needed to make my brother proud... I always spoke to him as my Guardian Angel... I know tell my children of the Angel Uncle Mark.... As I write this I do so now with a hint of sadness for what may have been..... My father dredged the River & found his body...and thus has never really been able to forget..to grieve the loss of his darling son. This has caused much disharmony to the family.

I have brothers who have walked & walk the path of drug addiction, mental illness & psychosis. I have seen the damage & pain they have inflicted on myself & my family. Suffice to say I have very strong feeling against drugs.... No one should have to see their older brother shoot up heroin... NO ONE.... or no-one should know that their eldest brother held down his youngest brother & shot him up..... All those involved in that fateful drowning have been severely affected.. drug addictions, suicides, alcohol & mental illness & trouble with the law.... many lives where affected that day...

My parents were poor, they had no family support... they tried to hold their shattered world together... just the 2 of them..... Now I am a parent...my heart aches for the times they would of felt..lost..alone...bereft...distraught....hopeless & much much more....... But as i type this i don't remember SADNESS.. I remember a father..who was magical.... he could make a table full of food appear... he would make Papa Gooley's magic tomato soup..... as a small child.. I only saw the joy.. I never knew that he had gone & picked buckets full of mushrooms..travelled hours to the fruit markets & sold the mushrooms... only to make enough to get some tomatoes & bread (a few other things) I only saw a creative, innovative, entertaining, jovial...yet strict father... Oh how I hope I was affectionate to my father & mother as my children are to me... Oh how I wish I was a source of love & strength... Oh how i hoped i thanked them enough for the precious food they put on the table... I pray that my little face looked at with beaming eyes & said "Yum dad or Mum..that was delicious" I have so much gratitude & love for my parents & the many invaluable life coping skills they have taught me...

All I know is that this weekend away with my Mum & 2 sisters was a real eye opener... a heart opener & a mind opener....... yes my life plate may be a little full..... but I am so blessed... I have family & support, we are financially OK and i have the same strength of spirit & blood coursing through my veins... I am blessed.... I have gratitude...

I intend to have many more times in which I can sit & ask my Mum many more questions... My father needs to be handled with more kit gloves...as although he may be male..he is such a sensitive man... his skin is thick...yet inside he is as soft & affected as any.... I know what it is i must do...I must write a book.... telling their story... the challenges.. the trails... the losses ...as well as their faith...their joys... loves & successes.... their story is inspirational & i have not even touched on it here.....

I want to create an environment where I can sit down & discuss my life, my parents life, my siblings life that is safe... no-judgement & all accepting..... all encompassing. This will be hard.... there are many secrets that lurk in the closets, in the shadows..... yet there is much healing & acceptance that needs to be done....... I know there will be many moments where i will cry upon hearing the answers to my questions..... just as i know there will be moments of elation...of pride...of acceptance......

Before I move on & write the book of my life... I have to pay respect & justice & write the story of my parents.... my childhood.... So taking a lesson from Mother Earth.... the River that flowed so gently.... that is how i will approach this...gently.. allowing gentle healing.

One last afterthought... when discussing my brothers passing with my Mother & sisters.... we discussed how we are drawn to the water... I told my mum that i believed that the water outside our cabin...may hold within it..the tiniest trace of the water that was in the River that took my brother... I told her how i find all water healing... whether walking through the surf, a morning grass full of dew, the ocean, or even the shower..... later we all went down to the River & threw some flowers into it...saying a prayer...an offering ... it was beautiful ... the Afternoon Winters sun..shone down upon us & I felt a presence. It was special.... My brother lived..and I wanted to remember him...... honour & respect him..... LOVE HIM.....

Remembering....... an offering & Prayer

I had a brilliant weekend,,, as you can see it was intense.... but i feel I will remember it as a moment in my life.... where i changed... where I softened a little...where i accepted life a little more.... where i allowed the healing energy of the Universe to do with me what it needed..... I felt peace..... I had emotional toxins that I needed to release........

Thankfully the properties owner poodle followed me around all weekend & showered me with love

Living An Abundant Life

Living Abundantly ...

JOY & LOVE & PEACE & ABUNDANCE & FAMILY & LIGHT & LIFE
This weekend I had the most wonderful time with my family.... we laughed, we sang, we played & we just bonded through shared interests. We went away 4WD'ing on the beach. The beach spans 80km...of white sand...open beach & wonderful sand dunes. Driving, playing, kiting & did i already say lots of laughing... It was a day filled with sunshine...Light & Love.. A Gift handed to us & one we eagerly accepted with open minds & hearts.

It was a much needed outing. I got to walk in the water...wetting my feet & running from the waves.... much like i did as a child.... I got to roll in the sand with my 3yo daughter... laughing.... being in the moment... Plus it was hugely grounding & uplifting at the same time. I got covered in sand...but I though "So What" being in the moment was more important then looking & feeling sandy. i was blessed.. I had family, friends, freedom, health & Abundances galore... I had life & i was cherishing it with a passion.

I got to walk along the beach.... wind in my hair...Sun shining down upon me... strolling... A treasure hunt for shells.... just as I did as a small girl. The excitement & joy even greater now then as a child. I got to walk in the water with my 5yo son...together chasing the waves & laughing... until he fell in & I seemed to be the only one laughing.. (just for a minute or two) Thankfully like any good Mum..I came prepared with several changes of clothes.. I was expecting the attraction of the ocean to be too strong for my babies...and indeed it was... for me as well....hypnotised...mesmerised ... inspired... grounded & freed

I got to feel the tension of a Kite String...as it danced in the wind.... The winds of change. This was perfection.... the sense of freedom, of being, of joy& of calm.... enveloped me.... I felt connected to the wind..I felt its life force resonate deep within my being. I felt grounded... & yet again uplifted. I was in a state of bliss... There was no other place I would of rather have been at that moment in my life... I was 'me' I was 'being' and I was 'home' I was all that I AM....

I got to see my husband, laugh...excitedly like a small child... the joy resonating through his body. That was priceless, as I know he needs to find a balance... an inner calm so he can ride the storms of life as well. It was both grounding & uplifting for him. I feel a little deeper in love with him. I touched him more...held his hand...flirted...responded to his energy. I am thankful for that as I am mindful relationships can easily turn stale.. The gusting sea breeze...helped to blow away the stale air & replacing it with a new vibrancy.... an electricity.... energy. Of that I am truly grateful.

I got to see my children laugh. dance... admire their father, enjoy the delights of a family picnic, play in the water, roll in the sand, play frisbee with our friends dog 'Jack' I saw my kids become even more grounded.... alive with electric energy. I loved watching how they have an incredible connection & love for nature. They are my teachers 7 I am their student. I have so much to learn from their joy, their ability to live Abundantly.

I love that I that I was able to balance loving & playing with my family with building upon my true-self.... I had a day of grounding & flying. I saw much growth & change happen in 1 day. The reason I believe is that we were all willing & open to have a wonderful time... be mindful of each other ... and more importantly because we found great joy in what we were doing as a family unit... as individual & as friends. We never walk alone... we are guided by Angels...

It was a win-win situation....one that we are planning on following up with a similiar experience. It all involves nature, being free & grounded.... removing ourselves from the daily grind & stresses of everyday living and honouring ourselves, each other & nature. For me this is true Abundance.

I AM THAT I AM... And that is very blessed.

I Dream

I Dream

How do we keepdreamsalive.... How do we ensure that our spirit, our sense of self & belief stay intact..... allowing us to move forward with enough energy & momentum... How do we reach our dreams..... How do I reach my dreams.... How do I become the Mary that I know I am.... I have gifts... How do I nurture the creative seeds that were sown long ago... bearing the fruit that will give birth to my Dreams???? So many questions & not a lot of answers!!!!!!

Firstly I need to take a few steps back... I need to look at what my dreams are..Identifying what it is.... what ignites my passion...what fills my heart with joy....what excites me....what delights me... What gives my life meaning & purpose.... What I wish & pray for.... What is is that makes me blossom, shine & feel alive.... What is the essence of me.... what drives me... What legacy do i wish to leave behind. What 1 thing will give me incredible sense of satisfaction & achievement????

Like all of us I have many different aspects of my being.... I am not referring to my dream for my children or us as a family. I have many of those. I am talking about what is my dream. Mary's dream. The benefit from having such clarity & passion is that I feel better about myself & appear to be a more productive mother & wife...

My dream is that I become a successful writer, published. I want to know that what I write has made an impact on others. I want to know that I am contributing to society's greater good. helping to create a better world. I dream that my books ... help others find their way...find some joy...some spark...self-belief & love... I want to entertain, enlighten, support & love others.... I want to create...and i want to be recognised & successful ..

Its not about money... Oh yes I dream of making money... not ridiculous amounts... but enough to live comfortably. To be able to purchase land... acreage ... A place that we could build an incredible home among the beauty of Nature. Related to this is the dream of building a Retreat... a place for others to come... A place where there is healing, nature, love & acceptance. A sacred place.. a place that people come to & have an incredible experience. Sunshine, woods, water views & access to the sacred source of love & light. A place where i can use my gifts of healing, of words & creativity to light the path for others.... I know how incredibly powerful retreats can be... I dream of creating my own unique Brand...

I have the Dream in sight.... now all I need is to be committed... prepared to work hard & make it happen. I cant rest on my laurels & think that a publisher is magically going to appear on my doorstep. Not I know I need dedication & motivation... I need to be productive... I need to make my dream happen.... The star is hanging in the sky.... I am hoping that I can reach far enough & lovingly & gently reach the star...whispering to it... " Star..my friend.... together we will shine.......This is my Dream"

I know i can do it... I know I was born to do it.... I believe in me.... Time for hard work & clarity..

I Dream... I Hope... I wish....I am..... I Need to open the gate to my dreams.... I have the keys... Its my choice.... belief , tenacity & hard work...... So it shall be done... The seeds have been sown...time to bring this baby home.... make it happen...

Motherhood & Me

What an amazing journey my life has been over the last 9years. A turbulent ride... a roller coaster ride. I have had 3 beautiful children in that time, as well as the heart ache of 1 miscarriage. My children are 9, 5 & 3. I feel that I am incredibly blessed. Today I want to write about the entries into this world... Their deliveries....from the perspective that each was a miracle & moved me in ways I once never felt I could be moved.

My mother had always said that she didn't want to be near me when i went into labour... the reason being she had brushed my hair growing up as a child and new how sensitive to pain i could be. I guess she didn't realise I was sensitive to the tug & pull of hair brushing (especially given that I was 1 of 10 children & my mothers patience wore thin... and her grip tighter the further she went along the line. Suffice to say I soon knew to be the first to have her hair brushed & quick to start self-grooming. Anyway. not being rude Mum (I love you) but i wouldn't want you in the labour suite.....

Anyway lets just say I proved my mother wrong. I am a very natural person. I know each women has the right to decide how & where she wants to deliver her child. The choice of pain medication is purely personal.

I myself wanted little or no intervention & to have drug free births. My ideal birth was a darkened room, my husband & I, the shower, soft rhythmical healing music & the smell of aromatherapy filling the air. I knew I wanted to bring my children into a world of calm... I wanted to have a drug free birth as I wanted to be in total control of my mind & body.. I wanted to feel the functional pain...

I wanted to embrace it & make it work for me... I did this... I created a sense of calm... I brought my children into a quiet, lightly lit room... the room smelled of neroli, rose & ylang ylang... the sounds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apdGYCWatM8 filled the air. I felt beautiful, I felt empowered & I felt strong. I grew deeply in love with my husband, connecting on a much deeper level. As I type this now it is through tears of love & joy. I grew in respect for myself. It was as though I reached inside of me & found a well of beauty, strength & love. I was strong... I was capable. I could make the journey through birth as least traumatic as possible for my children.

I was blessed my first birth was only 3 hours from start to finish. Yet with quick & intense deliveries it can play havoc on your body. My beautiful boy was born with club feet. I knew that at the 20weeks scan..so I was prepared. Oh did i love him.... I am overcome now with the same intense set of emotions as when I first laid eyes upon his perfect face... bruised from a quick delivery but.. I had never seen or felt anything so 'whole' so 'real' so 'perfect'

My 2nd son (picture) was a much quicker delivery... I almost had him on the freeway... yet somehow i breathed through 1 minute contraction (every 2minutes) while my husband drove. i was even able to run into my house grab my CD's & aromatherapy oils & comb (for acupressure) He was 5&half weeks early, so I was a little anxious. I walked into the delivery suite & the nurses looked at me... yeah.. you'll be fine... I was already 9cm's ... suffice to say my Son was born pretty much straight away.. enough time to get the music on... oils burning. It was so quick... it was incredible...

The Dr said it was just like an old fashioned birth... All I know was that I fell in love with him instantly.. my funny looking little baby.. he seemed so small. Oh yes & I fell deeper in love with my husband. I also was so proud of myself. Once again I welcomed my precious child into an environment of calm. It didn't help that he had to be in special care nursery for 17 days.

I missed holding him skin on skin, i missed the smell of him. It hurt like hell to drive away from him & have to leave him in hospital. Those 17days.. were tough... running back 5 times a day to express & feed him. Let me say we partied when we finally were given the all clear. Our little man was where he belonged... in our loving arms... Oh how much I loved this tiny little boy in my arms.. I never knew I was capable of such love....

18 months later my precious little bundle of girl came flying into this world. Once again the midwives couldn't believe how quick my labour progressed. I sat rocking on the exercise ball, listening to Medwyn Goddall & visualising Gardenias. The smell of Rose, Neroli & ylang Ylang filling the air. I was high on life.... I could feel my little darling making her way into this world. The delivery was so quick.. 6 minutes after waters breaking... she was perfect & fed straight away.

What an incredible feeling to hold my sweet precious child against my skin & be able to feed her... I was truly blessed... My Angel lay in my arms... my heart & spirit filled to overabundance. I was blessed with 3 beautiful children. I didn't know then that my little Angel would be diagnosed with Epilepsy, brain tumours & a genetic disorder. All i know was that she slipped into this world like someone who had been here before. She filled a void in my heart that I didn't even know existed. In fact with each birth.. the children have given me a piece of my hearts puzzle. The love & respect that I felt for myself & my husband also helping to grow me as a person. I feel so blessed. i feel so loved & i have so much love. At present they are flowing forth in the shape of tears... tears of reliving & remembering the priceless moment of each birth... the moment my babies met me their Mum....

having written this I know that not everyone's birth experiences are like mine. Sisters have had very traumatic emergency C sections. I am blessed that my body, mind & spirit worked insync & I was able to have the births that I did.

And to my Mum, who brought 10 children into this world... Oh how I love you.. Oh How I respect all that you are & all that you have done. You have walked a very sad & harsh road. A road that no parent should have to walk (you & darling dad) I love you .... I love you