FInding my Inner Artist: A Cathartic Journey of healing

Life is most definately a surprise packet..... a Roller Coaster ride.... A journey into the unknown... well at first you may think you have the answers... then Wham Bam Thank You Mam ..... life has a way of stepping in & knocking you off your feet. Thank God i have big feet & can take a little more hammering.....

I guess it is then that the inner drive... need 2 survive is ignited..... A need 2 find our inner essence.. so we can hang on with tenacity & resilience during the tumultuous, unknowing, exhilarating ride they call life......

I am a mother of 3 young children... ages 3,4 & 8....... My youngest a darling golden haired Angel was recently diagnosed with a genetic disorder i am yet able to say out loud... We are on the journey of healing & survival..... but some things may just take a little more time.... But thats Ok... it is my journey & I'm prepared for that......

What has been a wonderful find is my appreciation, love & talent for photography & writing... It has been a Cathartic experience 2 simply put into words... the swirling of emotion, fears & tears... It has been a healthy way of tapping into my pain & fear & finding a way of unleashing the negative energy..... I strongly believe that trapped negative energy is harmful 2 one's physical & emotional health......

After meeting with my daughter's lovely neurologist... I think I retreated into a world of my own for several days.. I still coped... I choose to selectively juggle my lives demands...Anything that was deemed unimportant I put aside..... I cried...Oh boy did I cry... I cried an ocean of tears... releasing my fears.... The tears were healing..... just my way of dealing....

Then about 4 days later... I realised I smiled & laughed... A real laugh.... I called my husband at work and said "Guess what my darling: I smiled & laughed...A real laugh"... The next day I smiled some more... and the next I cried a little less... then before I knew it...My smiles outweighed the tears...... I'd faced my demons & faced my fears..... I wrote some poetry & decided that i was going 2 capture beautiful pictures of my daughter everyday... I decided I was going 2 take a photo portrait of myself everyday...to show myself that i was coping.... I had believe, faith & was hoping.....

Here are 2 of my first poems...when I write I am inspired... they come to me fluidly & completely... They are incredibly Cathartic... I am extremely visual spatial & see in pictures...but i am also blessed with a vivid vocabulary ...so together I hope I can paint a picture in words... the page is my canvas.... the viewer /observer is free to take from my words their own interpretation..... I hope my writing & my story will inspire & connect with others... transcending cultural barriers....

My Blessings & Fears

I stand here before the Sun in all its glory


So much to say, so deep is my story


My path is winding, my journey is long


A journey now paved with tears, joy & song

Abundance of spirit &abundance of mind


Abundance of energy & loving & kind


Blessings of love & laughter & tears


Blessings of love & my most painful fears

I faced a fear so dark & deep


My waking was haunted as was my sleep


But with fears comes love & appreciation


of embracing my life's journey, a unique situation

A faceted jewel my mind & heart & spirit


I've chosen the truth & no need to fear it.


The mountain, the path, the journey ahead of me


I do not fear, for I am not 'me' but 'we'

ADRIFT (My first poem)

Adrift upon the turbulent ocean


Adrift upon this dangerous sea


Alone in the dark......
just my thoughts & me

Tugging and pulling.....
Searching so desperately


Calmness, peace & quietness
......STILLNESS of thought

Afloat Adrift
.......

Just me all alone
.......

rising with the turbulent foam............


Yet still I float & do not sink......


I think too much is what I think...

9th Jan 2010

What I wrote yesterday... after having my sister come over & share all her life stresses, worries & concerns... bad marriage, unhappy home & out of control teenagers... I think I helped her see things from a different perspective... adjust her view & see that she did have power & control of the only variable in her life... herself...her thoughts & actions...or more likely her reactions

I just wrote this poem in the last 5 minutes... I guess I am finding it Cathartic ...as I am in the processes of dealing with my darling daughter (3 yo) having a rather horrible disease.... so these poems (some of them) are part of my healing... of expressing my emotions into healthy poems...thus stopping any negative energy getting trapped in my body & making me unwell..... I am finding out just how strong, resilient & beautiful I am... I can do it... simply because I have to... these are the cards I've been dealt now I need to play the best hand of my life.... I am learning to simply be.......

I Climbed A Mountain

I climbed a Mountain so ridiculously high...
I climbed a mountain, reaching beyond the bluest sky...
An emotional mountain,its substance all feeling....
Upon reaching the top I thought I'd find healing....

A sense of accomplishment clothed in a smile...
But Alas the smile only lasted a while...
For stretched out in front of me.......
Stood many more mountains reaching to the edge of the sea........

I stopped a minute or two or three.......
To look at what laid in front of me.......
Life..and all its tribulations
Survival ...and all its revelations .......

I looked down upon my feet....
Knowing that this challenge they could surely meet.....
I had within my very spirit.....
The strength to live & not fear it.....

So onwards I walk towards the ocean........
Onwards I walk a mix of emotion..........
The trek is hard, the journey long......
But I'm guided by my internal "Song"

Be brave & strong my darling daughter....
For in my heart I can see the water.....
The sparkling crystals upon the sea.......
Are the beautiful image ..strengthening me..........