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Finding your spirit

Finding my sense of Balance

In a world where there is so much turmoil... so many demands on us..our time..our body...our health & our minds, its essential that we learn to take time out. Time out to recharge our emotional & physical batteries... Renew our energy levels. I want to talk about what makes me tick & how i recharge my energy levels.... How I become balanced....

As I have said before I am a multifaceted person. I have an aspect of myself that is highly intellectual... rational and sequential... I like a sense of order... of knowing my parameters.... However juxtaposed .... I also have an aspect of my person that is highly free spirited.... could live in a world of long flowing hair, flowers & dreaming. Live in a world or creative, passionate & creative being.....

I am a very visual person.... highly sensual....that is my senses are heightened and it has been like that always.... which is usually a good thing... I smell the tiniest scent of the newly budding spring flowers... I delight in the feeling of the cool breeze as it caresses my skin.... My ears are attuned to the sounds of the wind chimes & birds..... my taste buds explode when I bite into a ripe piece of fruit...strawberries.... peaches.... are like gifts from the heavens...

I am lost in those moments of pure sensual bliss. The feel of soft fabrics against my skin...satins, silks, linens & softly spun wool.... all small glimpses of heaven.....

However.. my heightened sensitivities, also make be highly susceptible to having things irritate me.... I can't stand the sound of static.... it makes my skin crawl... or the feel of hard prickly arcyrlic fabrics as they brush against my skin... it hurts.... or the incredible pungent smells of strong detergents that make me gasp for air...

I do allow myself to get upset.... to feel...to express... I have personal space... SO on a day when I may have a million things to do...kids might be sick.... & all I have heard is crying...smelled vomit... my reserves of energy may be low. I may be tired from being up all night with my daughter.... or I may have laid unable to sleep because I am too busy solving the worlds problems inside my head..... I am sensitive & feel others pains.... stress & frustrations.... coupled with my own... it may make me struggle to fall asleep.

So what is it that I do to find balance...a sense of inner calm... an even keel......

I do many micro meditations throughout the day....... I find moment of stillness .... of being.... Of connecting with the divine life & energy source.

I ground myself.... I focus my energies..... my heart..spirit...body rejoice in Sunsets...Sunrises...the beach..Water...sweet sweet water....

I try to ground myself in the vast Abundance of nature that surrounds me.... the trees, the birds, the flowers, the air....

I love using twitter & faceBook. I chat, I giggle & I share...... I connect with a growing number of like minded people.... people who inspire & challenge me.... people with whom I find a connective consciousness....

I get down & play with the kids....... delight in kisses & cuddles...in laughter & joy

I eat well..... I drink sufficient water...... I nurture my body..... I love me.... I value me....

I try to be active... I need to work on this aspect...I love exercise..... I love the way it makes me feel....

I write....I draw....I sing...I dance.....I laugh... I create ... I express myself...purging negative energy.... I let it flow... I find joy in music...comedy laughter....

I don't forget where I came from.... but I don't let it limit me to where I can go....

More then just a Mum....

Bringing a love & Nurture into my children's lives...

I guess this blog is close to my heart...& close to many of yours as well.. it is about Money..... or more importantly the lack thereof & the stresses one has when trying to secure enough funds to live a good life. To pay the bills & have enough left over to live a good life...have holidays... pay for extra things such as private Speech therapy or Occupational Therapy for the kids. Or even maintain special diets for children who have multiple food allergies & intolerances.

I am not in paid employment at the moment, so therefore I am relying solely on my husbands income. However, with times the way they are.... it is now very evident that this needs to change.....it can't last forever. I need to find a way of generating some extra family income. I need to find a way which will allow me to contribute to the families financial kitty. Yet still allow me the opportunity to be at home with my children... At least for another 18months whilst my daughter is still at home. Maybe when she starts school... things won't be so hard & I can simply get a social work/counsellor job.

Hoping for some Angelic help & guidance.... knowing what direction to take

My problem is that I can't simply just go & get a 9-5 job...I have young children that I need to consider. I feel as though my back is against the wall. I do feel disempowered, reliant upon my husband to provide. I also feel the stab of pain when he criticises my budgeting. I fully understand his 'fears' ... yet I know the reality of my situation as well. It is not easy being a stay at home mum ( parent) especially a stay at home Mum of a child with extra needs. It is exhausting, I don't get recognised for my contribution to society for my love & care that I provide.

I don't get lunch breaks, I don't get a pay packet. No I get the joy of feeling guilty because I am not contributing $ to the family. It is so easy to feel a little bit of bitterness & resentment creep up inside of me. It is not an easy road to take.
Having hope that tomorrow will bring with it ideas & actions...new hopes & chances...new opportunities to be everything to everyone.... including myself.

I have been a working Mother & I found it stressful only in that I was working & still doing 100% of the household chores. This will

have to change significantly when I return to the workforce. I enjoyed going & having colleagues, using my brain, challenging myself & learning. Yet the pull on my heart strings was intense & I knew that the place for me wasn't at work....but at home being a SAHM.

So here I sit...stressed & annoyed with the incessant chirp of "what are you going to do" I do understand the financial situation, I do care, I do stress & worry...but hey I stress & worry about a whole lot of things...things that I have taken ownership of as being a SAHM. I feel like i have limited control & I need to snap out of that mindset & take action...be my own best friend. Get the ball rolling...

So how am I going to generate extra money? How am I going to feel good about myself...feel as though i am accomplishing some of my goals & dreams? But this is balanced with well why aren't i appreciated for who i am & all the other ways I am contributing to the family? Am I any less of a person because i am not working? Do you honestly think I prefer being a SAHM of a child with special needs? Do you really think this is my Nirvana? well if so...you are indeed mistaken..
Dreams both near & far... long term & short term

I want to be contributing to society...adding beauty & depth...making a difference. I want to feel valued...in the personal & financial sense. I want to be doing something with the gifts that I have amassed along life's highway. I absolutely know of the incredible importance of parenting. I know that & can feel it in my heart of hearts. However my reality is that I need to do more then just parent. I need to be a financial contributor as well. Parenting cuts to the very core of me... as does being a women... being a creative being.... being a person... I have dreams of working as an Advocate... helping others who have walked similar paths. I have dreams of running a healing retreat.... yet I have to think hard & wonder if I am truly able to manifest these into my life.

feeling like driftwood thats cast upon the beach.... so much potential but for what????

So what can I do? I am at a crossroads & need to move forward.... I need to start contributing financially...that I understand. I have to think outside the box.... I have to be creative.... I basically can only do outside of the home work during the night...and if I did that when am i to sleep? when am I do parent? when am I do clean the house? & when am I to have a life?

This is so simple... I wish it was.... I'm struggling to come up with ideas.... I want more then ideas...I want action...I want answers... I want to be able to breathe easy knowing that I am pulling me weight. I want to not have to walk on egg shells at home because I am seen as an enemy who is reluctant to work. This hurts & is so far from the truth. Maybe this sounds a little dramatic, but this is what it can feel like.

So what can I do? I'd happily take ideas & suggestions. I would love to simply be able to write & sell my work... but that is a long term goal. I'm a little lost & stumbling through this haze of uncertainty & frustration. I know what is expected of me...I know my dreams & goals...and I know my reality..... trying to balance that & come up with a workable solution is the key.....I need to allow balance, love & light in my life. Not add extra stress... Ah what to do.... for an intelligent person I am having difficulty coming up with suitable ideas.
The essence of my being...my children..my loves....

Where do I find that key..... the Holy grail..... I will let you know as I progress further along my quest...

Dyslexia.... Spelling... a sure fire way to cause tears in my household....

http://www.freelyeducate.com/2010/07/giveaway-from-all-about-spelling-a-full-spelling-curriculum.html

A shout out to the wonderful educators & people of Freely Educate (above link) They are Angels blessing us with their free give aways. I am hoping for a wonderful free gift that will help my children utilise their creative gifts..... & its all about SPELLING ... yes thats right SPELLING..... even a gifted visual thinking needs to know how to spell... I think in pictures... yet in order to share these mind pictures & thoughts with the world I need to translate them into words... So can you imagine how frustrating it is for children (including gifted children) who struggle with the complexities of spelling..... how can they express their thoughts if..they are unable to translate it into real words?

I have finally had my intuitions confirmed...my very sweet & gifted boy struggles with dyslexia.... as well as motor dyspraxia.... the result is that sequencing...spelling, writing & planning is difficult....

He is a very bright, creative & intuitive boy..... yet I really pray that he gets his spelling under wraps...as it will have a major impact upon his school life, outcomes & sense of social & academic achievement..

I also have a 5yo who is mirroring his brother's dyslexic traits (and his father's dyslexic traits) He attends a literacy program with his speech therapist..... but to have this spelling program would make a major difference to his learning outcomes as well.

Learning is not just about ticking the boxes & meeting a requirement. Learning is about life, about living... Its about being capable of participating in life fully.... It is about upon one's personal strengths & abilities.... Learning is essential...... spelling is not just about words..... spelling is about being about to fully express oneself in written form.... being able to spell allows for a faster translation of thoughts onto paper (especially for the gifted visual spatial people like my children) Learning how to spell is much like having a huge segment of a key...a key that will enable its owner to open their minds...their expressive self & share it with the world. Hence the reason I am trying to win this amazing package.... wish me luck

Denial..... who truly benefits from Denial...

Denial.... Acceptance.....Life

I really want to write about an important topic... Denial. I guess I am not referring to me specifically but people in general & in particular Parenting...... I am writing this blog precisely from my life view...I understand each of us is different & processes life accordingly..... It is not my intention to cause pain or frustration to anyone.... I hope you can respect my perspective on life..... there is no need to agree with me...just understand I am writing this as me.....

My Darling Daughter Annamieke...seeking some quiet solace from the rock at the beach.... its as if they both shared each others energy...

Ok those of us who have children with extra needs, special needs, disabilities know the tumultuous path that we have tread.... The fears...the tears...the years..... We know what is like to start to question our child's development...... can't help comparing them to children of similar age etc...... We know what its like when we have a niggling little feeling that something is just not right....something doesn't quite fit...... those awkward silences...when you could wish the Earth would open up & swallow you... I guess I'm talking about the journey to acceptance, understanding & knowledge.....

Those silent awkward moments...where every fibre of your being wants to discuss with your partner of family your concerns, your worries & anxieties.... That first moment of letting down your defences & discusses your pain...your worries....your confusion/concern..... The conversations that follow...the investigations..the blood tests, the MRI's or other scans, the specialist appointments....... the heartbreak when your concerns are proven...... the sheer sense of disbelief...... the heartache of adjusting to what is...& letting go of what you thought was..... This is all happening during the adjustment process..... trying to accept..trying to understand..... trying to be a ray of sunshine to the outside world (read children) whilst inside you feel void....bereft..empty...shattered.......

Playing in the park.... things aren't always what they seem & appearances can be deceiving

Then slowly the pain & heartache give way.....the adjusting period settles...We may not have changed...yet our view on life has changed..... we know know we have children who require extra care, support, consideration, energy & love...... Yes I do say love.... Oh boy the Love needed.... the patience.... the commitment ... the understanding & acceptance....

Soon we start to change our perspective from "what is not possible" to "Ability" "gifts" becoming educated, informed, passionate advocates... fro some the journey from heartbreak to passionate advocate can be fast...for others a very long process..... And although I write passionate advocate.....I do so knowing full well that us passionate advocates...bleed, hurt, cry, worry... we may be able to hold all the pieces together, but it doesn't mean we still don't ache intensely.... for our children & their future...

The reason for the blog is to talk about those people in our lives...who for whatever reason try to persuade us that there is nothing wrong with our children.....

A winters stroll by the water...... taking a moment out...to care for her sole (soul)

It takes a lot of courage & strength to verbalise our concerns.... then to have people say..No don't worry its typical behaviour for boys, girls etc..... can really have a negative affect.

Friends & family can generally tell when a child starts to behave/react in ways that are alarming.....Yet why do they deny the truth (as they see it) I am not saying they have the right to blatantly come out & say things like.... I think your child has Autism... or I think your child has a delay etc...... No definitely NOT

I guess I am just saying...family & friends should be there to allow an open dialogue..... not be afraid to talk about big things.....We need the open dialogue ...we need the understanding...we need that safe non-judgemental space.... That arena to discuss life & our concerns... because if any of you are like me..its like an Ice Berg.... the thoughts I share & express are nothing compared to the bottomless ocean of emotion I have inside..... If I want to talk...its because I need to..I feel strong enough.... & its helpful....

Possibilities Galore.... acceptance of what is... & making the absolute most to ensuring a full active life

It may be hard to tell some one the truth...but whats worse allowing someone to live in denial...or lovingly try to give voice to any concerns..... there are subtle ways of doing this.....

I guess empty unqualified words like "don't worry its OK...its all normal" can actually be harmful in the long run...although they may sound great at the time.... if someone doesn't believe it...why say it....why lie???

What will tomorrow be..... how far will her shadow stretch...what ripple effect will her beauty & strength have upon this world....

I also know that until a person is able to openly discuss & accept their child's differences...having unqualified people saying things could be very painful....... but somewhere there must be a balance.....

I think if parents are concerned & raise the fact that they think their child may have some difficulties etc...then people/we/society should allow them the space...a safe non-judgemental space to openly discuss this...... it never hurts to say.... "well if you are worried why don't you discuss it with your doctor........."

I guess I wanted to talk about this because there is an incredible amount of bad advice being dispensed out in the real world...& for parents who are struggling to come to terms with possible disabilities..... not allowing the platform to discuss things.... is potentially harmful.... the truth is there are children with special needs...there is difference.... there is life..... its so much better to be able to discuss it..without others allowing us to further deny it, ourselves or our children....

I never walk alone... I am surrounded by love & Light..Angels & the Creator

I guess also until a person is ready to face the truth...its important for families & friends to be gentle...just be there when the time is needed....don't push..... it is a hard road to travel...one frought with much pain & heart ache..... eventually the smiles will come..... but first the tears.....

It is not my intent to offend any readers...I can appreciate each of us has there own personal view on life...and this is mine.....

The sun will shine...the rain will stop ...& things will heal..... warmth...love & energy will be restored..somewhat differently... but hey thats a whole new blog