Welcome In..Look Around...there is much laughter, joy & tears to be found.

I will share with you a look at my life's journey. A look of who i am ...where i have come from & where I hope to be heading... I have so much to share...so much to say.... please feel free to join me on my journey... I appreciate your company & support

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Denial..... who truly benefits from Denial...






Denial.... Acceptance.....Life



I really want to write about an important topic... Denial. I guess I am not referring to me specifically but people in general & in particular Parenting...... I am writing this blog precisely from my life view...I understand each of us is different & processes life accordingly..... It is not my intention to cause pain or frustration to anyone.... I hope you can respect my perspective on life..... there is no need to agree with me...just understand I am writing this as me.....

My Darling Daughter Annamieke...seeking some quiet solace from the rock at the beach.... its as if they both shared each others energy...
Ok those of us who have children with extra needs, special needs, disabilities know the tumultuous path that we have tread.... The fears...the tears...the years..... We know what is like to start to question our child's development...... can't help comparing them to children of similar age etc...... We know what its like when we have a niggling little feeling that something is just not right....something doesn't quite fit...... those awkward silences...when you could wish the Earth would open up & swallow you... I guess I'm talking about the journey to acceptance, understanding & knowledge.....

Those silent awkward moments...where every fibre of your being wants to discuss with your partner of family your concerns, your worries & anxieties.... That first moment of letting down your defences & discusses your pain...your worries....your confusion/concern..... The conversations that follow...the investigations..the blood tests, the MRI's or other scans, the specialist appointments....... the heartbreak when your concerns are proven...... the sheer sense of disbelief...... the heartache of adjusting to what is...& letting go of what you thought was..... This is all happening during the adjustment process..... trying to accept..trying to understand..... trying to be a ray of sunshine to the outside world (read children) whilst inside you feel void....bereft..empty...shattered.......
Playing in the park.... things aren't always what they seem & appearances can be deceiving
Then slowly the pain & heartache give way.....the adjusting period settles...We may not have changed...yet our view on life has changed..... we know know we have children who require extra care, support, consideration, energy & love...... Yes I do say love.... Oh boy the Love needed.... the patience.... the commitment ... the understanding & acceptance....

Soon we start to change our perspective from "what is not possible" to "Ability" "gifts" becoming educated, informed, passionate advocates... fro some the journey from heartbreak to passionate advocate can be fast...for others a very long process..... And although I write passionate advocate.....I do so knowing full well that us passionate advocates...bleed, hurt, cry, worry... we may be able to hold all the pieces together, but it doesn't mean we still don't ache intensely.... for our children & their future...

The reason for the blog is to talk about those people in our lives...who for whatever reason try to persuade us that there is nothing wrong with our children.....
A winters stroll by the water...... taking a moment out...to care for her sole (soul)
It takes a lot of courage & strength to verbalise our concerns.... then to have people say..No don't worry its typical behaviour for boys, girls etc..... can really have a negative affect.

Friends & family can generally tell when a child starts to behave/react in ways that are alarming.....Yet why do they deny the truth (as they see it) I am not saying they have the right to blatantly come out & say things like.... I think your child has Autism... or I think your child has a delay etc...... No definitely NOT

I guess I am just saying...family & friends should be there to allow an open dialogue..... not be afraid to talk about big things.....We need the open dialogue ...we need the understanding...we need that safe non-judgemental space.... That arena to discuss life & our concerns... because if any of you are like me..its like an Ice Berg.... the thoughts I share & express are nothing compared to the bottomless ocean of emotion I have inside..... If I want to talk...its because I need to..I feel strong enough.... & its helpful....
Possibilities Galore.... acceptance of what is... & making the absolute most to ensuring a full active life
It may be hard to tell some one the truth...but whats worse allowing someone to live in denial...or lovingly try to give voice to any concerns..... there are subtle ways of doing this.....

I guess empty unqualified words like "don't worry its OK...its all normal" can actually be harmful in the long run...although they may sound great at the time.... if someone doesn't believe it...why say it....why lie???
What will tomorrow be..... how far will her shadow stretch...what ripple effect will her beauty & strength have upon this world....
I also know that until a person is able to openly discuss & accept their child's differences...having unqualified people saying things could be very painful....... but somewhere there must be a balance.....

I think if parents are concerned & raise the fact that they think their child may have some difficulties etc...then people/we/society should allow them the space...a safe non-judgemental space to openly discuss this...... it never hurts to say.... "well if you are worried why don't you discuss it with your doctor........."

I guess I wanted to talk about this because there is an incredible amount of bad advice being dispensed out in the real world...& for parents who are struggling to come to terms with possible disabilities..... not allowing the platform to discuss things.... is potentially harmful.... the truth is there are children with special needs...there is difference.... there is life..... its so much better to be able to discuss it..without others allowing us to further deny it, ourselves or our children....
I never walk alone... I am surrounded by love & Light..Angels & the Creator
I guess also until a person is ready to face the truth...its important for families & friends to be gentle...just be there when the time is needed....don't push..... it is a hard road to travel...one frought with much pain & heart ache..... eventually the smiles will come..... but first the tears.....

It is not my intent to offend any readers...I can appreciate each of us has there own personal view on life...and this is mine.....
The sun will shine...the rain will stop ...& things will heal..... warmth...love & energy will be restored..somewhat differently... but hey thats a whole new blog

Monday, July 5, 2010

Values....life & other wonderful things







I have been a little pre-occupied this last week. Hence the sparsity of my blogging.But to keep in line with my online journalling I want to talk about my own personal Values....... I guess the reality is my values underpin all my actions...my beliefs & my perspectives of life. Ultimately how I act, react, think & talk...the very language I use.... the eyes I see the world from.... the very core of my psyche.... ME... even the way I walk & represent myself to the rest of the world.... & what I see when i look in the mirror.... or indeed when I look into the mirror of your reflection.


I was brought up to be a good Catholic girl....I have always had a strong faith...but of recent years I call myself more spiritual and NOT religious. I can see that many beliefs, many paths have levels of enlightenment.... I am eclectically spiritual.... I guess I could even quantify that further & say that I derive much of my inspiration....love....joy....Values from Nature..... from watching the birds & the bees.... the trees as they sway in the breeze.....the Sun as it shines down & bathes the Earth in radiant light. I find nature teaches me many lessons about life.....acceptance.....allowing......loving.....growing & VALUES....Nature is me & I am Nature


My core values....are centered around RESPECT...... Respect of myself....my fellow citizen.... respect of my culture...of other cultures....of the Earth...Respect of my role as mother & wife.....As Me....Mary the person.... the collective entity...of all the roles i play in life....

Respect is Valuable.... In all honesty I don't care if people like me.....I do care that I am afforded the same degree of respect that I afford others... Respect is crucial in ensuring the world rotates peacefully.

What do I mean by RESPECT...... My personal belief.... This is what I see RESPECT as implying....My take......

It identifies DIFFERENCE.... the UNIQUE quality of each person....animal...plant etc

It understands that difference is to be embrace & appreciated.....valued...looked at accordingly.

It implies a degree of self-worth....self-acceptance & seeing this in others....

It implies that I have a grounded realistic view of myself...my abilities & my dreams.....

It implies that I value the same qualities & attributes in others.

It implies that birth right & STATUS are irrelevant...

it implies that each person was created equally in the eyes of GOD (or whatever deity you choose to follow...or likewise not follow)

It implies listening....attempting to understand...to empathise.....regardless if the views may not be in line with yours.



Respect is something that is not simply given because one demands it...... respect is an honour that is given..... it is an active choice for me.... to say I RESPECT that person...I see that person for who they are & what they have done.....

I value RESPECT....

It dances well with integrity....loyalty.....honesty......and the big one....LOVE

Absolutely..respect cannot be demanded.... that is simply servitude in my eyes.... Respect is something that runs deeper...it is a conscious choice..... it manifests in our actions, thoughts & language towards ourselves & others......

Honestly if we were to do a survey of our life....placing those we respect in 1 column & those we have chosen not to respect in another column...... we would see a clear pattern emerge..... it could tell us about ourselves...our life & what we value & how we process & heal.....

Respect is something we earn.... it is not on our terms but on the terms of those who graciously grant us it. But it must start with self-respect...yet this is a very complex subject....complicated by many things.....for some the search for self-respect is like the holy grail itself...seems elusive.... unobtainable.... especially if we have been told repeatedly that you are not worthy or respect or love (not myself...but others who have been exposed to abusive parent-child relationships)

but self-respect is a crucial tool...to successfully navigate life.....we are all fragile creatures & the actions & words of others (those we put trust & faith in...elders, parents caregivers etc) help us to value ourselves..... or sadly not value our true self.....

by respecting myself...... I love my mind...my body...& I treat it accordingly.... By respecting my family..... I live a life that exemplifies that respect & love.....

This sounds so preachy ...but its not....

RESPECT can be murky waters.... the word can summon up negative feelings of being enforced to respect..... I guess I have always been one to buck the system...... you could never buy my love & respect with harsh words or sweet promises of nothing.... I have always been a person of principle & observed...observed people...their words & actions...... & I have judged myself the same way....

I hope you are able to show respect to yourself & others..... it is a wonderful gift...a gift that keeps on giving.... but definitely one not to be taken for granted.