Welcome In..Look Around...there is much laughter, joy & tears to be found.

I will share with you a look at my life's journey. A look of who i am ...where i have come from & where I hope to be heading... I have so much to share...so much to say.... please feel free to join me on my journey... I appreciate your company & support

Friday, April 23, 2010

Finding Joy upon a rocky shore





How do we find true Joy in a world filled with heartache, stress, demands & challenges. How do we find time to STOP..... BE STILL & LISTEN ... DRINKING in the Sounds, The Smells, The warmth of the Radiant Sun or indeed the feel of your lovers skin against yours... or the sparkle of light in your child's eye. How do we learn to stop & take the time to simply "be' immersed in 'being present' How do we stop the incessant thoughts about money, security, healthy, life, from going round & round in our already crowded heads. In an essence how to we learn to simply accept life.... & embrace all that is.... thus enabling our higher conscious self to resume its position as the captain of this ship we call life?

Well its a complex question... I could say well the answer is complicated... complex & highly relative. But in my honest opinion the answer is simple... the answer is profound & the answer has been proven to be right...time & time again. I ask you to check your thinking as you read this... are you following me? can you see where this is heading? or does your internal dialogue & dissident disagree with me...saying that life is meant to be difficult, life is meant to be work, life is meant to be filled with stress & heartbreak, life is meant to be filled with moments of monotony? With only the fleeting moment of joy?

Life is indeed like a rocky beach.... I could choose to look at the rocks & become annoyed, frustrated that they are not soft, smooth white sand. Or I can choose to accept that the beach is filled with stones... interesting stones... By the simple act of acceptance I have already moved into a more confident frame of mind. I have given up on having 'unrealistic expectations' & accepted the hand of cards I have been dealt with. What i choose to do with those cards is solely my decision. I could choose to say I no longer wish to walk along this beach, as the stones make me trip and fall. Or indeed i could say, well these shoes I am wearing are really not meant for such a rocky path... I'll take my shoes off & walk intuitively along these stones... allowing each stone to fit smoothly under foot. After a while, I stop & start to appreciate the different textures, the patterns, the size, the feel ...the experience of these stones. They are now what I know.... take me to a white sandy beach... and the gritty sand would feel uncomfortable & foreign under foot.

The long long winded answer to my question is "Acceptance" of your situation...moving beyond resistance. Listening to yourself & starting to see how you process things & how your thoughts can control your behaviour. How easy it is to give into fear & stress when we loose sight of the 'present' of 'being in the now' and focusing long term.

Why do I feel joy? I feel joy because I understand that I am more then my thoughts. I understand I have a higher consciousness... I understand that I have incredible blessings beyond compare. i understand by focusing on 'being present' my body & mind are aware... my senses alive & I am in awe of all that is around me. I feel the sun upon my face. I feel the breeze upon my skin. I see the trees dance in the breeze. i see the clouds dance across the sky. i feel the rain as it falls to water the earth. I even dance out in the rain...my face up to the sky & stick my tongue out like a child. I live in the presence. There really is no option, to loose the sense of joy from now & focus on the stress & possible pain of tomorrow fills me with dread. My spirit sags & my heart becomes heavy. I am no longer a beautifully strong person embracing the light.... I am simply a mother consumed by fright.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Magic that is now



Life is a wonderful surprise! A joy to unfound..... many moments of pure joy to behold. The small everyday 'now' moments of laughter, of smiles, of holding hands... gentle kisses... the sun upon bare skin.... the fresh air gently tickling your skin...the warm healing water cleansing your body & mind in the bath or shower.... the 'now' of life is filled with moments of incredible power.

Ok what is the alternative of living & being in the 'now'? Living a life filled with anxiety, stress & heartache. Of not knowing what the future will hold, of feeling the tight grip of fear around my heart & mind. The fear of not knowing what life will bring... especially in regard to my darling daughter Annamieke. As well as living in the shadows of the past. Living within the cold, dark shadows of yesterday... OF forever trying to hold on to memories of old, of who I once was. Or worse living through the sometimes distorted memories of childhood. I have brothers & sisters who choose to live this way. Their present life situation heavily tainted & directed by their unwillingness to move out of the past & into the present. I find immense healing, joy & being in living in the now. There really is only this moment of now... the future is not another dimension, but a later moment of now.

I am blessed to wake up to life.. to have my breath taken away by the incredible stillness & beauty of nature. This morning the mist rose from the Earth...ever so gently... revealing incredible pure white light. Much like a lover... kissing his beloved goodbye...after moments of pure magic... the Earth Sated & alive... filled with creative energy & stillness.

”Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent.” Krishnamurti

Living in the now fills my 'life's situation' with many moments of joy... I delight in watching a Butterfly flutter in flight. I delight in the sounds of birds as the flit through the garden. I delight in the healing energy & love of the sun as it caresses my skin. I delight in the feel of my children's hand against my cheek. I delight in the rain as it falls to the Earth. I delight in the stars & moon as they shine & illuminate the night. I delight in being.. I delight in life. My 'life situation' hasn't changed I still have a 3yo daughter with brain tumours, epilepsy & a genetic disorder. But What I do have is the ability of choosing & accepting, Allowing the healing love & light of the Universe, of my 'creator' to flow through me.. to heal & accept. I live in the now & I have an incredibly beautiful daughter laying here by my side as I write this blog... her diagnosis loses its power & control, as I concentrate on the 'now' on her joy, on her 'being' on her 'energy'. I live in love & joy.... I have hope... but not the type of hope that makes me wish my now away... as I find that unhelpful.. I have hope & belief.. I have love & acceptance. I no longer choose resistance.... I am finally being true to myself... I am allowing Life's energy to course through my 'being' giving me so many more gifts... not just the power if intuition & seeing. I am HOME

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A journey unknown...Sweet Synchronicity


The Last 9 months have been an incredible journey. I have waded through waters I had thought I would never have to venture into. The waters .... cold..dark & murky waters of having a child with an illness.
The journey the long path from diagnosis... to acceptance... to healing. Allowing the richness and beauty of life to envelop me (and us) surrounding us in life giving protecting liquid gold... white light & energy.
Along this path... along this rocky journey... I have found 'Me" I have found the essence of me... An awakening.... an awakening of my many gifts & abilities. An awakening of a spirit that had been asleep... asleep in the mundaneness of everyday life... I am awake... I am vibrant.. I walk a tumultuous tightrope.... but I know that I feel.... I scar... I heal. I am blessed.

The journey has been incredible.....I have heard many people say.. that Only being subjected to times of darkness can we truly see our light & brilliance. I agree... The flip side of feeling intense heart rendering... soul aching pain... is that I had to open my heart... I had to look deep inside myself.... see my fragility.... feel my pain.... face my now & my future... I purged myself of all that I had held to be true... all that I had known.... All that I held as being a given.... I de-cluttered my heart, my mind & my spirit. I had no room in my life.. other then for my darling children & husband. I knew my family needed me to heal.... to accept & allow the Universe the Freedom to do what was needed. I cried... I cried..... i prayed.... I wrote...... I found writing cathartic.... I found sobbing under the shower to be a healing experience. The gentle shower water cleansing my body & soul.... the tears I cried.... being tiny prayers... enveloped in healing water... being carried to heaven in the loving arms of Angels. Slowly I cried less & started to smile... slowly... ever so slowly the sunshine filled my heart. The purging I had done... allowed my heart to easily resonate & vibrate with the brilliance of the sun.

For many many years I have been told by many people, people I know, strangers & even people in my dreams that I have the gift of energy healing. The gift of listening to a person & helping them feel love, acceptance & healing. i was always scared of this. I remember running a Women's Retreat at an incredible place North Of Sydney & the insightful owner took me aside... held my hands & said "don't be afraid, embrace your gifts.. they come from a good place" she told me that i help to open people's Crown Chakra's... I have always been spiritual, very intuitive & aware of both the seen & unseen... the spoken & unspoken..

Since then I have had a whole series of Synchronous events that have led me to accept & treasure my gifts. More importantly treasure the amazing people I have met along the way. Gentle, loving, intuitive souls.... people that wish to heal the world... bring about love & acceptance of all. I feel very honoured to have been guided by those who have felt a connection with me. My goal now is to join all the dots in my life... my gifts, my desires, my abilities, my responsibilities & commitments ... much like joining the many stars in the sky... creating my own constellation... my own sign. I am now at the point in my journey where I am compelled to move forward...embracing who I am, using my gifts to make my life, my family & my community & my circle of influence a better place. A more sacred place. I now know that I walk this journey with guides, with family & friends. I do not walk alone.... and when i am feeling a little weak & unsure I can rely upon my 'community' to carry the weight for a little..... like wise I am here to help carry the weight for others when needed.

So here I stand starting an amazing journey .. a journey of healing, self-discovery & awakenings... A journey of new beginnings... a journey of tears & laughter..... I walk this path 1 step at a time.... I choose not to run...as I want to do it right... I want to reflect this love & light......